5 minute
management course?
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close this page if you're offended by slightly course
language--or skip to Real Solutions...
At the end, is a real plan for a
successful economy proposed by Newt Gingrich and the group,
American Solutions. So skip the management course and
go right to Real Solutions, click
here.
Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the
shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the
doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps
herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door,
there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.
Before she says a word, Bob
says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'
After thinking for a
moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front
of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in
the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the
bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'
'It was Bob the next door
neighbour,' she replies.
'Great,' the husband says,
'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'
Moral of the story:
If you
share critical information pertaining to credit and risk
with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to
prevent avoidable exposure.
Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a
lift.
She got in and crossed her
legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
The priest nearly had an
accident.
After controlling the car,
he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, 'Father,
remember Psalm 129?'
The priest removed his
hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg
again.
The nun once again said,
'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest apologized
'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'
Arriving at the convent,
the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at the
church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go
forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'
Moral of the story:
If you
are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great
opportunity.
Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an
administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch
when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie
comes out.
The Genie says, 'I'll give
each of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says
the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas
, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'
Puff! She's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says
the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the
beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina
Coladas and the love of my life.'
Puff! He's gone.
'OK, you're up,' the Genie
says to the manager.
The manager says, 'I want
those two back in the office after lunch.'
Moral of the story:
Always
let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 4
An eagle was sitting on a
tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the
eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do
nothing?'
The eagle answered: 'Sure,
why not.'
So, the rabbit sat on the
ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox
appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be
sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very
high up.
Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with
a bull.
'I would love to be able to
get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I
haven't got the energy.'
'Well, why don't you nibble
on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed
with nutrients.'
The turkey pecked at a lump
of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to
reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating
some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth
night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the
tree.
He was promptly spotted by
a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story:
Bull
Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there..
Lesson 6
A little bird was flying
south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell
to the ground into a large field.
While he was lying there, a
cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay
there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm
he was.
The dung was actually
thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and
happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the
bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the
cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and
promptly dug him out and ate him.
Morals of the story:
(1) Not
everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not
everyone who gets you out of shit is your
friend.
(3) And
when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep
your
mouth shut!
THUS
ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE
Real New solutions for a healthy American society involve
promoting small business--the true engine of American society.
So see the Real Solutions with a short talk by Newt Gingrich,
click here.
If you want to set up a co-management program for a new boat--We
have the answer! Our Boat-As-A-Business program offers the least
expensive way to own a new boat. We can show you how to let tax
advantages and income cover 70-100% of your boats cost while you
enjoy it as much as you want.
We'll show you how to make your management participation fun and
profitable.
Information about the program
Information about the new 2009 tax incentives (passed Feb. 17th)
Seminars on the program.
